Truth

In a world full of opinion--that which is popular and that which is not, that which can shift like the changing of the wind--it can sometimes be hard to discern where to stand on the issues of life.  This past weekend, in one of the best sermons I've ever heard--clearly inspired by the Holy Spirit--our pastor reminded us that we need not lean on any opinion. In all matters, we must know where to look. Not what does our neighbor say, or our family say or our husband say or even what does our pastor say, but rather what does Jesus say?

WHAT DOES JESUS SAY?

Where can we find the answers on all the issues of our lives--of today and tomorrow and forevermore? The Bible, dear friend. We must look no further than the Word of God. 

***

From the beginning of my Reformation I have asked God to send me neither dreams, nor visions, nor angels, but to give me the right understanding of His Word, the Holy Scriptures; for as long as I have God's Word, I know that I am walking in His way and that I shall not fall into any error or delusion.

Martin Luther

Tupperware Drawer

Do you ever feel like your Tupperware drawer? Maybe yours is neat and organized--nicely stacked and you can always find the right lid because it is always nestled just perfectly in the same place. This is not me (as you can see by the picture!). Don't get me wrong-- I want it to look organized and I want to know where every last lid belongs, but I confess that I simply cannot seem to keep it organized despite my best efforts.

As Fall gets underway, I feel like my life has felt a little bit like my Tupperware drawer: there's a lot going on, and I'm not always certain I'm going to be able to make it all line up! And some days I'm just not sure I have the energy to see the day all the way through. I think if we're honest, we all feel this way sometimes. 

But the Lord has put Scripture on my heart for this new season, and He has so graciously reminded me that I'm right--I don't have enough. And I never will. I need His grace at work in me:

By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

1 Corinthians 15:10

Immeasurably More

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. 

Ephesians 3: 20-21

***

God's Word is always true. And when He tells us He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, He really is. Ten years ago Brian and I prayed desperately about where we would live and raise our family after vet school. We both desired to be near family--I hoped more for the city and he hoped more for the country. 

God so clearly called us to the city, but last year He continued to answer our prayers in a way that was immeasurably more than all we ever could have asked or imagined: He gave us the country in the city.

We now own 15 acres of land right in the middle of the city, and we could not be more in awe of God's faithfulness. 

We have prayed over this land and look forward to the day the Lord will help us build a home there. Until then, we have also prayed for abundant fruitfulness for the land itself. Brian knows my favorite flowers are sunflowers, and so he planted a field of wild flowers this summer. And can you imagine the abundance? The beauty? The immeasurably more... ?

It brings to mind one of my favorite hymns. I leave you with it here, as well as a picture taken in our field!

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

“Great is Thy faithfulness,” O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

 “Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!”
  Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
    “Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

On Pride

I listened to a song recently that challenged me to be honest. About the hard things in life—the nitty gritty kind of stuff we try to hide away so people can’t see we’re not as neatly put together as we seem. So if I’m totally honest with you about the hard things the Lord has put on my heart recently, I’d have to say He has been pruning my soul in the way of pride.

Pride is scary. I confess I approach any prayer regarding pride with the utmost caution: Humble me, Lord, but oh, please be merciful!

That word—HUMBLE—is also a scary word. Humility describes our Lord Jesus Christ in every way:

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:5-8

Christ—in all His ways—was the perfect picture of humility. The exact opposite of Satan, who desired to be like God. No, Christ who in every way was God, instead humbled himself to become man in order to save us from our sin.

On the other hand, I can assure you, my flesh, left to its own devices, wants nothing to do with humility. But recently I have asked the Lord to reveal the hidden sins in my life (the log in my own eye), and He has so carefully revealed this one to me.

Over the past few years, the Lord has shown me in circumstances both big and small just how deep this pride is rooted in me. So deeply that in one of my times of greatest need, I was so blinded with pride that I could not even see the solution to my despair staring me in the face. I could not—would not—accept the Lord’s answer.

And what did the Lord do with me? He cut me back. He humbled me in ways I hope I never experience again. And then softened my heart and opened my eyes.

And the answer that had stared me so boldly in the face—the one thing I did not want to do-- that is exactly where He ultimately led me.

On my knees. In prayer. Completely dependent on Him. 

These are the hard things in life. The realities we try to hide. The thoughts we never share. The motivations we work so hard to cover up with our pretty speech, our nice clothes, our happy smiles. What have I learned in this process? Am I now the humblest person you’ve ever met?

No.

He continues to reveal to me the pride in my life. Even in my obedience—even in my best moments in man’s eye—He so graciously reveals this sin.

There have been times where I am so discouraged by it, I find it difficult to lift my head off the pillow in the morning. But then in His love and mercy, as I believe He helps me grow in Him, He helps me see that in my sin, the gospel is even more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.

Barbara Duguid’s book, Extravagant Grace, describes the beauty of this process: “God is kind and merciful, and he does not show us the truth about ourselves all at once. Instead, he appoints seasons and moments when he opens our eyes bit by bit so that we can bear it.” She goes on to say, “The wonderful thing about seeing the scale of my [sin] was that once I saw it, I could confess it and ask God for the gift of repentance. When we live in denial about sin and do not see ourselves accurately, we can’t really grow. We are paralyzed until the Holy Spirit moves to give us sight and then grants repentance in his time” (117).

Ultimately, God uses these things in our lives to show us our need for a Savior and to help us better appreciate what Christ did for us on the cross. Because of His love on the cross, God sees me washed clean. I can look back and see my paralysis. I can look and see the Holy Spirit moving to give me sight. And I can tell you I am learning more and more that even in the painful lessons He teaches us--both big and small--He is gentle. I am far more wretched than I ever imagined. He needs me to know that. And yet He helps me also to see--even more so--that He loves me anyway. So much so that He would send His son to die on the cross that I might be forgiven. 

I confess at times I have a hard time accepting His forgiveness. This may sound ridiculous, but again, it points to my pride. Instead, I hold myself hostage, certain God could never forgive me.  I try hard to work my way out of it or do better so He can see I really am sorry. I’m a go-getter, a get it done kinda girl. I want to fix this too. My way. But the Bible is clear that God in his wisdom will never let me find lasting comfort in my own works because nothing I can do will be enough to cover my own sins. Only Christ can do that: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Eph. 2:8-9). Amazing grace, how sweet the sound! Grace. Such an important reminder that I cannot change my own heart.

And that even in my weakness He can draw me nearer to Him. He helps me in weakness to see that He is all I need:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Childhood Cancer Awareness

September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. As many of you know, my nephew, Kaden, is a survivor of brain cancer! Thanks to all of you who have prayed for this little boy and his parents. Please continue to keep Kaden in your prayers--that he will never have cancer again, for him to know and love Jesus and that his story might point people to the real miracle worker in heaven!

Check out these recent pics of Kaden on his WISHES CAN HAPPEN trip to Disney World, and read an excerpt from a recent Facebook post from his mama!

Childhood Awareness is something I never thought about. Never thought one of those bald headed beauties would be one of mine. It's hard to believe taht only 4% of money dedicated to cancer research is for children. It's even harder to believe knowing that childhood cancer is the number one cause of death by disease of our children. Advocate... . 

-Jen Allerding (Kaden's mother)

Family

We were down in Loudonville for the annual Allerding Family Campout this past weekend. Some things never go out of style...

Brian with his dad, siblings and cousins

20+ years later...our kiddos with Grandpa and cousins!

Back to School

September 1st and it feels like the door has officially closed on summer. Instead of melting away with the rising sun, today the coolness stuck in the air long enough to make me put on long-sleeves and throw together a crock pot of chili for dinner.

It’s back to school kind of weather.

Charley woke up yesterday and informed me that she could “barely sleep” the night before she was so excited to start preschool. On her way out the door she told me it was going to be the “best day ever,” and then when I got home in the afternoon she declared with all the spunk she could muster, “FYI, Mom: the boys didn’t nap!”

Back to school is an in-my-face reminder that my baby isn’t a baby anymore. In fact, I’m tempted to believe the saying that she’s 4 going on 16. Seriously.

But with the back to school reality also comes the subtle reminder that life just keeps on moving--that just like the seasons, our stay here on earth is not permanent, and despite all we may do to thwart its progress, time keeps on ticking. Sometimes I feel like summer is a tease—like a fake tattoo—so bright, so vibrant, so seemingly permanent. You’re certain it’s there to stay and then it fades almost as quickly as it came. That’s part of why I love Ohio, though. Life is simply happening and then one day the wind rustles the trees in just a slightly different way, as if in one breath whispering goodbye to summer and in the next breath ushering in fall with a quiet yet sweet hello. As I feel the coolness on my skin, I also sense a quiet mustering of excitement inside of me. I feel like this happens every season--with the first snowfall, the first blooms and the first splash in the pool.

In a culture where the passing of time and the notion of growing old is something to hinder or to battle, I feel the changing of seasons somehow encourages within me an appreciation of God's handiwork and the blessings that come with the progression of time. With Christ as your anchor, the best is always yet to come. 

As you settle into the new season, friend, I want to share a cool back to school Scripture acronym sent to me by my sister-in-law (thanks, Sarah!).  I thought it was a great image and tool. Hope you enjoy it, too!

Peace

In the battles of life, your peace is actually a weapon. Indeed, your confidence declares that you are not falling for the lies of the devil. You see, the first step toward having spiritual authority over the adversary is having peace in spite of our circumstances. When Jesus confronted the devil, He did not confront Satan with His emotions or in fear. Knowing that the devil was a liar, He simply refused to be influenced by any other voice than God's. His peace overwhelmed Satan, His authority then shattered the lie, which sent demons fleeing. 

Francis Frangipane, The Three Battlegrounds (from Praying God's Word by Beth Moore)

Labor of Love

The other weekend, I sat down to enjoy a feast my mother had prepared for the whole family. Halfway through the meal I looked up to see my brother-in-law still preparing his bratwurst for the first bite. It’s a process with him. He is an IT manager by trade, but his love is cooking. He will spend hours laboring over his masterpiece, hustling here and there around the kitchen or grill—cutting, chopping, sprinkling this spice and then that one.

But when he doesn’t prepare the whole meal, as in this instance, he still prepares his own plate.

It is a labor of love.

Down to the very last shake of the salt.

It’s easy to think he’s just a slow eater, but then you see the way he labors over it, the way he savors the process (his meal is always so much prettier than mine!), and you know it’s more than just a meal to him. It’s a work of art.  

I feel like this is the way the Lord works in our lives. It’s a process. Sometimes a painstakingly slow process, but our great God is in every detail, weaving a masterpiece far beyond our imaginations.

Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s painful.

It is a labor of love. Down to the very last shake of the salt.

Prayer

God has designed not only that prayer come to be, but that prayer sometimes be a necessary means for accomplishing the ends he has ordained. In other words, God purposely designed how things would work so that some of what he accomplishes can only be accomplished as people pray.  -Bruce Ware

Grace

By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

1 Corinthians 15:10

Check out this daily devotional by John Piper: http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/we-work-by-grace . It rocked my world!

Marriage

Brian and I celebrated our ten year anniversary last night, and we watched one of my all-time favorite movies: You've Got Mail. It's one of the very few movies I tell Brian he could buy me and I'd actually watch it over and over again. I'm not sure why I love it so much, other than I'm quite certain there was a time in my life where I wanted to be Meg Ryan's character. In the movie she is Kathleen Kelly, owner of The Shop Around the Corner, a quaint little New York children's book store. She wears turtlenecks and cardigans and knee length skirts that I tried to imitate in my wardrobe for years after the movie was made. She's quietly brilliant, magnificently charming, witty and so incredibly kind that Tom Hank's character--who tries desperately to hate her--can't help but fall madly in love with her. Ultimately, I'm sure what I was attracted to most was the love story that brings Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox to a dream ending. 

As we watched the movie together last night, belly laughing over some of the ridiculous humor, I couldn't help but think about what their marriage might ultimately have looked like if we'd been blessed with a sequel. The movies never show that part, you know? The hard part, the real part, the beautiful part.

I've heard people say that their wedding day was the best part of their marriage--it's all downhill from there. I think how sad that must be. As Brian and I talked last night, we reminisced on the early days of our marriage. How different those days were. And how different we are now.

What most amazes me over the ten years of our journey together is the Lord's mercy poured out--how much closer we are to Him today than we were ten years ago. I've always heard people say it but now I know what they mean: I wish we knew then what we do now.

But Brian stopped me--It's all a part of the process, he said. And so it is. And I pray, looking forward, that in another ten years we might sit watching Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks--still belly laughing together--but reflecting on the Lord's hand in bringing us even more wisdom over the next ten.

I've had it on my heart recently to pray more intentionally for my husband, something I'm ashamed to say I haven't always done as well as I ought to. A dear friend recommended a wonderful book called Prayers of an Excellent Wife by Andrew Case. I recommend it to you, both young and older wives, alike. What better way to serve our husbands and our families than to get our knees to the floor and our hearts seeking the Lord for His will in our husbands' lives. 

I do not thank the Lord enough for bringing Brian into my life. Our wedding day was beautiful--magical in all the ways a little girl dreams of it being. But I'm so thankful it was not the best day of our lives. I'm so thankful that each day we grow together by the grace God gives us for that day. And I'm thankful that because we both profess Him as Savior, there is no doubt that the best is yet to come. 

Prayer

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, My God.

Psalm 42:1

Sweeter than Honey

More than once in the last year Brian has characterized my crafting efforts as "Pinterest Fails." Because I recognize the accuracy of his assessments--and because I'm not yet willing to give up--I have directed my crafting efforts to the three kiddos who find Mommy's projects to be much more impressive and delightful than their father does. 

In all seriousness, though, the Allerding household has been doing some "projects" recently, and I want to share them here. As I've expressed in several posts recently, the Lord has grown in me such a thirst for His Word. He uses the Word of God to reveal to us our need for it, and I have felt a real longing and responsibility to teach this same love to my children. More than once I've told you how I pray it will be their "magnificent obsession." 

This summer we've tried to build the habit of being in the Word early in the day. Most mornings we try to sit around the table (often with our breakfast!) and read from the Word of God. Each week I've prayed for wisdom, for the right verses that will work in their hearts and build a foundation for their faith and life. To make it interesting (and memorable) for the little people, I have come up with (or Googled) some craft ideas to go with the verse we are memorizing. 

Since I've already told you I'm not one of those impressive Pinterest moms...I feel like this is accessible to everyone and anyone! And if you don't have kiddos, I hope it's an encouragement just to be in the Word of God--to memorize His Word--make sure it's written on your heart and mind. I can't tell you the difference in my life since I've begun to really focus on and memorize the Word of God--it is a place to turn in times of joy, in times of sorrow, in times of anxiety and fear, in times of thankfulness. It is a place to turn at all times. 

So....here are the four verses we've memorized so far and some of the little "projects" we've done to go along with them. Seriously, if you have markers and some paper plates, you should be good to go! 

Rejoice with those who rejoice... .

Romans 12:15

Raising two 5 year olds and a 4 year old is a constant reminder of how selfish we really are--of how much we keep track of what the other guy has (and what we don't!). We've been talking about rejoicing with those who rejoice--even if we don't have what they do! What a challenge to my own heart. It has challenged me to ask the Lord to root all the envy out of my heart! All we did with this one was use some markers and draw some pictures, as well as talk about lots of examples of what this might look like played out in our lives.

But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

Psalm 3:3

We made shields out of paper plates with the verses written on them. Such a great reminder that the Lord is our shield--how often we run to so many other things to protect us. 

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:7

At an age where bad guys and bad dreams are a serious concern (who am I kidding--that's still me too!), this verse has been such a blessing. It's such an incredible reminder of the sovereignty of our Lord. He knows every hair on our head. How much more does He know everything that will happen to us! My favorite part to talk about with the kiddos and to hear for my own comfort--the most frequent command in the whole Bible--is DON'T BE AFRAID! For this one, we made little sparrows, to remind us how much God loves and cares for us.

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

Psalm 119:103

Oh, how I wish I had done this one first! This is the premise of the whole activity--that we might learn to love God's Word--that it might be "sweeter than honey" in our lives. For this one, we made hives and bees and lollipops to remind us of this sweetness.

***

And so I pray, dear reader, may the Word of God be "sweeter than honey" to you.

TRUST

Truth

Two years ago this very week I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. When I reflect back on that time in comparison to where I am today, I am humbled by how much distance there seems to be between me now and the woman standing on my driveway that day, listening to the doctor say, "Yes, I'm 100% certain. You have MS." 

The image that comes to mind is that of a cup. Then, my cup was full. But now, I must confess, I feel like my cup is overflowing. 

At the front of my Bible I have these words written from the night before my diagnosis was confirmed:

Here's my heart, Lord, speak what is TRUE.

These words from a song by I Am They were a prayer. An anthem. So much of my diagnosis was surrounded by surrender. An overwhelming need to give it all to the Lord--no doubt a prompting from the Holy Spirit. And now, as I sit here two years later, I can barely get off my knees with gratitude for the way God has answered this prayer. Only with Christ can we surrender--give up, give in--and yet feel so full, so overflowing with His mercy. 

What have I learned in these two years, dear reader? Oh, I could talk to you for days straight and not scratch the surface. But if you have a moment, I'll at least give you a few highlights:

I have learned that when we are in Christ, God hears our prayers. He knows our hearts. I know He heard that prayer on June 25, 2015 and He has not stopped answering it. He has filled my heart with TRUTH--His Truth. He has grown in me a love for God's Word so deep and fervent that I hunger for it in ways I never could have imagined. And that is how I know it is the Holy Spirit at work in me--that kind of hunger does not originate from my weak flesh.

I have learned that God's Word is always true. When He speaks Truth into an area of your life, choose to listen. Believe. Always. We cannot be flippant in this--we must ask for discernment and wisdom in understanding His will in our lives. 

I have learned how incredibly wicked and sinful I actually am (I'm sure I haven't even begun to discover the depths of it!). But I have also begun to understand how much more glorious that makes the cross. 

I have learned I have so much more to learn. 

And in the meantime I must continue to pray, and I thank you, sweet reader, from the bottom of my heart for your loving prayers. I pray for healing and for a cure. But I also pray that as long as I have MS, God would use it to further His kingdom. It is hard to imagine the ways He has used this wretched disease to fill up my heart and overflow my cup with His love and mercy.  A God that can make me thankful for something I should (and sometimes do!) hate so much, is definitely a God worth serving. 

Ultimately, I have learned His will is always better than my own. Even in this. And I know this is a lesson I will continue to learn, sometimes kicking and screaming my way along.  

Never underestimate the power of prayer or the love of our Father. And so tonight, I pray it again: Here's my heart, Lord, speak what is true. 

***

We are not so foolish as to think we can learn a trade without the diligent use of helps. Shall we think that we may become spiritually skillful and wise in the understanding of this mystery without making any real effort to use the helps God has given us? The most important of them is fervent prayer. Pray with Paul that the 'eyes of your understanding may be enlightened to behold' the glory of God in Christ. Pray that the 'God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him.' Fill your minds with spiritual thoughts of Christ. Lazy souls do not get the tiniest of this glory. The 'lion in the way' deters them from making the slightest effort.

-John Owen

(from Prayers of an Excellent Wife)

Shield

Have you ever studied the life of David--the man after God's own heart? As I study his life--his incredible character and virtues--I am ultimately learning more and more about the incredible character of the God I serve. 

What I have also learned is that even a man like David--king over all of Israel--can also be susceptible to Satan and to sin. If you know of David's story, that he took another man's wife and then ultimately had that same man killed, you wonder how this could be the same man you were reading about only a few chapters prior.  This week it has caused me to pause--to reflect on how easily sin can take hold in my own life. It is a fine warning never to be too comfortable, always to be reminded of my desperate need for the grace of God. 

As Beth Moore so aptly puts it, "If that can happen to David, it can happen to anybody."

So what are we to do? Tremble in fear, waiting for some great sin to overtake us?

No! We must guard against it daily. Beth Moore goes on to say that one such way to guard against it is TO LOVE THE WORD OF GOD!

So as I have shared with you before, dear reader, I constantly pray for myself and my children that the word of God would be our magnificent obsession. 

These past couple weeks, as summer has gotten underway, I have felt a strong need to share with my children the habit of actually being in the Word.

Most mornings we sit together at the table and pick a verse for the week (one I've already prayed about and chosen!). We open our Bibles, recite the verse and then write it out in some fun way (so that pretty much means I let them use Mom's Sharpies!!!). We don't spend forever--we begin with a brief prayer and talk about the verse, what it might mean or how it might apply to a five year old's universe! 

Please don't think I'm such a great mom, here--we are only on week two of this! However, I want to share with you because I believe so strongly we must guard our hearts by being in God's Word. By hearing and reading Truth each and every day. When we make it a priority--when He is THE ALL of our life--we safeguard against the fall we saw in David's life. 

This week our verse was Psalm 3:3. For me, it was a reminder that God is my shield--the only reliable place to run. And for my babies, they learned that God is their protector, defender, their all. We made shields out of paper plates, but I pray that we are also building shields around our hearts. The only shield that can withstand the devil's schemes--God's Word.

But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. 

Psalm 3:3

Prayer

I have been humbled recently by the realization that I need God in every crevice of my life. Without Him I do not even have breath to live. I came across this quote by Abraham Lincoln and thought it spoke to the reality that in our deepest need, God is the only one to whom we can go and be assured He hears and understands. 

I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had absolutely no other place to go.

Abraham Lincoln

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow my little girl turns four. I'm distraught on the inside--my baby is turning four! Brian would have had 10 kids if he could! I thought I wanted four or five. We prayed and prayed about having a fourth. And the month before we were going to try, I was diagnosed with MS. His answer was clear. Many people can still have children with MS, but they did not think it wise for me with the number of lesions and a need to "get this under control first." 

But when I stop to think about my little babies, I am overwhelmed with the Lord's abundant mercies. First, I have children. I look around at a world where so many women struggle to get pregnant. And then I consider that He gave me two at a time! Twins. He knew then that I wouldn't be able to have any more after Charlotte... . What incredible mercy.

How quickly I forget to say thank you when they are all screaming their heads off at each other, and I'm threatening them for the twentieth time that day about being kind to one another. But tonight I am reminded that "every good and perfect gift is from above" (James 1:17). 

Praise the Lord for my favorite little people!

Put Together

The other night I spent an inordinate amount of time picking out my outfit. When I ultimately came to the final selection, I looked in the mirror to survey the finished product and thought to myself, At least I look put together on the outside.

 The truth is, on the inside I was falling apart. June is a scary month for me. It was when I was first diagnosed with MS. It's very busy at work, and the Ohio heat and humidity is not my friend. 

At times, I catch myself praying in my head: I can do this Father (as if in some way that pathetic pep talk is actually a prayer!)

But when I stop to really consider what I'm saying, I am appalled by my arrogance--by my self-reliance. And then I pray a different prayer: Only YOU can do this, Father. I need You. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

How often we succumb to pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps--making sure we look "put together" when on the inside we are falling apart. At the base of all of this is my pride. The bottom line is that I need help. Everyday. All the time.

Even in my successes--the "put together" parts of my life--I must credit the God in heaven who has so graciously gifted me with the talent or opportunity to accomplish it in the first place.

As He works in my heart to grow me, I am faced more and more with the reality that I am far more sinful than I ever imagined. But somehow, someway, in His beautiful way, He is also revealing to me a deep need for HIm--for His grace and mercy and amazing love:

 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:10