Originally written: October 27, 2015
The infantry are on sabbatical. That’s what the doctor has told me, anyway. The medicine I take for my MS sends roughly 75% of my white blood cells (the infantry) into hiding. I can assure you this is not a good thing for the winter months and Ohio’s sick season.
Outside of nursing twins, I’ve never been this consistently exhausted in my life. I can go to bed at 8:15, wake up at 6:20 and feel like I could sleep another 12 hours. My eyes have weights on them, and there are times where I feel like a statue—no matter how badly I desire to move, my limbs are just too heavy. I think this is called a cold run amuck on steroids (MS). I think perhaps I am literally under attack.
I’ve been off my meds for three days now—pulling the infantry out of hiding, in hopes to slaughter the cold in its tracks (while praying in my head that I won’t wake up and not feel my legs or hands or…). The nurse says I need to get back on those meds tomorrow.
So I’m grumpy and ridiculous (and on my period), and at one point today sat in the middle of the kitchen floor crying. My dear, sweet husband doesn’t know what to do in these moments, so he gave me a hug and took the kids outside.
My mode of attack is to stay germ free. Here are some of my top tips:
1. Washing my hands more.
2. Not sharing drinks with my children. (Not going to lie—this one breaks my heart.)
3. Giving backwards high-fives. My team has committed to help me stay “sick-free” and is willing to give me backwards high-fives, which apparently are “in” right now. My mother’s response to my ingenious idea: You still need to wash the back of your hands, you know.
4. Smoothies. We make smoothies every morning—shout out to the Nutri-Ninja! We add spinach and carrots, which are a great way to get veggies in my toddlers!
5. Vitamins. I’m trying to take a women’s multi-vitamin daily. And again, it’s a healthy habit that encourages my kids to take their Flintstone vitamins!
6. Healthy eating. Today’s slow cooker beef roast recipe looks like this:
· Chicken broth
· Can of heart healthy mushroom soup
· Carrots
· Salt/Pepper
· Packet of Lipton’s Onion Soup mix
· A tiny bit of Worcestershire sauce
· Parsley
· A bunch of leftover veggies I just threw in!
7. Eating more (meaning healthy snacks throughout the day to give me more energy—almond butter and honey with bananas is a yummy favorite!).
Yet most importantly, I’ve been reminded the Great Physician lives within me and He is really the only one who can heal. I am confused by this exhaustion because it seems to be taking more than my physical health. For example, the other day I had to make a difficult decision. How can it be that God desires me to miss Bible Study? I thought, beating myself up for being so tired and yet recognizing my limit closing in on me from all directions. And yet, I know He is calling me to obedience. Even when it’s not what I want, even though I desperately want to hop in my car and go to the morning study. I know I need to listen. Your will and not my own. Immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine.
This week has been an exercise in trust, as I have felt that if this exhaustion continues there is no way that I can.
Yet I was reminded last night as I read from Elizabeth Eliot that my strength is in the Lord and that to fear the future is a futile waste of energy. She says it so beautifully: “There is no need to fear the future, God is already there… .”
And I just love it: He is already there! He was and is and ever will be.