This post was written about March 19, 2016
Today the sun beamed down, the leaves rustled and sometimes wrestled and the clouds hung above the earth like distant mountains. And I am reminded of my feeble, fallen nature. And I am reminded of the magnitude of my God. He asks Job, “Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?” And I bow my head in humility. Today I am afraid—of life and so many things in it—but I am reminded that some of these trials for me and for all of us are matters that are simply “too wonderful for me” to understand.
Give up. Surrender. Again and again and again.
And as I pray for the Holy Spirit to come upon me, I realize I cannot control what I desire to control. It’s not like a movie or an episode of my children’s favorite TV show, Paw Patrol. I can’t always know what’s going to happen next. I am not Lord of my own life, no matter how hard I try sometimes. Total and utter dependence…it’s what I’m learning. It’s a process. A lifelong process.
And as I sit and I pray, I’m taken to John 15 and 16, and I am comforted because we are not alone. We have an Advocate in the Holy Spirit who dwells within us when we accept Christ into our heart.
Like I said: total and utter dependence…it’s what I’m learning.