Thankfulness

"What are you thankful for today?" is one of the questions I often ask my kids on the drive to or from school. It's amazing how easy it is to go through a day without thanking God for the gifts He's so graciously provided. 

So here's my list today:

1. Laughter: pee your pants, belly hurts kinda laughter. The kind you don't necessarily get everyday but wish you did. 

2. My kiddos: Cam, P-Man, and Charley...

3. God's Creation: I'm lovin this NO HUMIDITY stuff where the sun still shines and bakes its rays into your skin, where the butterflies still dance from one leaf to the next, but when the wind blows, it also cools you--sends a chill from the outside in that beckons fall to come and stay awhile.  

Summer's humidity was a constant reminder of my limitations. There were days I didn't even want to move or where I simply could not bear to take the kids outside. And so I am thankful today for Ohio, and the fall, and pumpkins, and even for the reminder that just like Creation, we are in the grip of our Father's hands. As he beckons in the new season outside, may he also call forth new growth inside of me. 

AWE

Do you ever stop to think just how big God actually is? It’s like capturing eternity—something that has always plagued me and thankfully reminded me of my humanness, my inability to comprehend the magnificence of our God.

I often ask God to reveal himself to me—that I might see Christ in the details of the day. As I sit and type to you now, I can look out the window and see the wind moving the trees, the breath of God poured out upon Creation. I see freshly planted grass that will grow from a tiny seed into fertile, green ground where my children will run in their bare feet. I think of the sunset last evening—even the air itself looked pink—painted by the hands of our awesome Creator. In Isaiah we are reminded of His massiveness: “In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple” (Isaiah 6:1).

Just the train of his robe filled the temple!!!

We cannot comprehend God. And—darn it—aren’t we so arrogant to think we can? How often do I make God so small and myself the center of it all?

I was challenged this weekend at a seminar on shepherding my children to help them grow up to fear the Lord.

To fear the Lord! To appreciate and grapple with his magnificence. To not only fear him in the basic sense of the word but to appreciate him, to be in AWE of Him, to worship Him with an unequivocal devotion because He is God and we are NOT!

This quote discussed in our Sunday School class puts it much better than I:

“THE problem is clear: People are too big and God is too small. The answer is straightforward:  We must learn to know that our God is more loving and more powerful than we ever imagined. Yet this task is not easy. Even if we worked at the most spectacular of national parks, or the bush in our backyard started burning without being consumed, or Jesus appeared and wrestled a few rounds with us, we would not be guaranteed a persistent reverence of God. Too often our mountain-top experiences are quickly overtaken by the clamor of the world, and God once again is diminished in our minds. The goal is to establish a daily tradition of growing in the knowledge of God.”

-Ed Welch, When People are BIG and God is Small

I am challenged this week, and, oh yes—for this lifetime (which again is but a vapor in comparison to eternity)—to constantly remind my children of how BIG our God is. We are reminded in Matthew 19:26 that “with God all things are possible.”

And as I remind my sweet little babies of the awe and wonder of their God, may I constantly speak the same Truth to myself.

Oh, Lord, I am not worthy. And yet…

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10

Last Round

Today Kaden is heading to the hospital for his LAST (yes, I said last!) round of chemo. We are reminded of how powerful our God is and pray for His continued mercy poured out on this little boy and his family. We pray specifically that the Lord will protect his hearing, keep him from any more seizures or infections, give Kaden comfort and his parents strength and endurance for the days ahead. May they know and feel the presence of God.

Cookies and Milk

Mama Allerding can cook. She makes one mean vegetable soup! Better yet—she can bake! And the best part of all: she taught her boys (meaning my husband included) how to bake, too! Brian’s latest peach pies: let's just say INCREDIBLE!

His older brother, Tim, is quite the baker, as well. My favorite is undoubtedly his molten lava cake recipe. Brian told a story the other day about Tim baking cookies that got me to thinking. He was laughing about how Tim cannot eat cookies without a glass of milk.

Brian always tells people, “One time I called him at like 10:00pm, and said, ‘What ya doing?’ And he told me, ‘I’m at the store—I made some cookies and we didn’t have any milk!’”

Brian gets to laughing every time—shaking his head as he pictures Tim rushing to the store at 10pm for his glass of milk.

You can’t have cookies without milk.

And it got me to thinking about the Gospel.  Everything is so politically correct these days. Don’t talk politics and don’t talk religion with your friends. And if you do, don’t you dare start using the name of Jesus!

But wait… Don’t talk religion with my friends? How, then, could I ever be called a friend? Will they get to the gates of heaven and look at me and say, “You knew all that time?? Why didn’t you tell me???”

So we must tell.  We are called to tell. And we must use the name of Jesus.

It’s like having cookies without milk.

You can’t have heaven without Jesus.

***

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6

Praise!

Thank you to all who have been praying for Kaden. He is doing much better overall, and today we learned that the seizures were NOT caused by an undetected tumor or his shunt. We are praising God for this answered prayer! They will continue to do tests and monitor him closely. Please continue to pray for this little boy and his family through this long process. We are reminded today that we do not always know why or how or what. We must rely on the Lord!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

PLEASE PRAY!

Please pray for Kaden and his parents. He was life-flighted back to Nationwide after having seizures today while at home. We are reminded tonight that we do not know HOW, but we do know WHO to turn to during this time. May our Lord Jesus Christ, be their source of healing and provision.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble... . He says, "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Psalm 46

Kaden Update

I wanted to take a post and give everyone an update on Kaden (I am still updating every few days under the "Prayers for Kaden" tab, as well). 

He is on his way through the 5th round of chemo, with one more round to go! With a bit of a hiccup last evening with his central line (almost having to go to surgery to repair it but ultimately being able to fix it without), we first need to pray for no infection. This is critical when his numbers are low and he is at such high risk.

Then, here is the big one:

LET'S PRAY FOR AN APPETITE!!!

In order for them to get some time at home, we need the little guy to have a big appetite! Please pray for this, as well as energy and endurance for Jen and Tim--that the light of Christ might light their way through the darkness.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."

Psalm 119:105

Wisdom

This post was written about May 22, 2016

Today we celebrated Charlotte’s 3rd birthday with our family. We set up the night before and used the kids little multi-purpose stand as the children’s’ drink stand. Cameron decided he would man the station, and oh, how he took his position so seriously. He stayed there for a long time, occupying every bit of it—not giving an inch to his brother who thought maybe he should have a turn.

As I sat downstairs after putting the kids to bed later that evening, I heard a loud holler from upstairs.  Going into check on him, he was so concerned.  We had moved the little play farms upstairs because they had so many pieces and we didn’t want them to get lost with everyone at the house.  They were still in the boys’ room for the night and Cameron had got to thinking about it: “Mom, since P-Man has two farms, can we just cut them in half? I really want one.”

“Cameron,” I reminded him, “you should be so happy your brother has two farms. And besides, he shares them with you!  There are lots of other things you have that Peyton does not.”

 I leaned in and gave him a big kiss, which seemed to suffice.

“Good night, boys,” I said as I closed the door.

I had been back on the couch for no more than a minute when I heard another loud holler: “Mooooom!”

I walked back in and this time he was so sincere: “Mom, did I do good at handing out the drinks?”

“Oh, Cammy,” I said emphatically, “you were fabulous!”

He giggled with delight, so proud of what he had done. And as I left the room for the third time that evening, I thought of our Sunday school class and our discussion on James.  Wisdom. Such a big word—not literally--but in scope.

What is wisdom, really?

I think of knowledge that comes from experience. But the Bible says so much more. James says,

13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

I had never thought of wisdom in such a way. I think of my little boy and am reminded that we are born sinners. He wants to cut his brother’s farm in half so he can have one too. He wanted to hand out drinks and let no one else have a turn. How often do I harbor bitter envy in my heart or am I motivated by selfish ambition? Far too often, if I’m honest. We can hide it so much better as adults, but the Lord knows our hearts.

The leader of our discussion described it as “doing the right thing with the right attitude”—doing it with a heart that is sincere. I am challenged tonight to pray for this wisdom—not just knowledge but “a wisdom that comes from heaven.”  I pray also that I might teach my children by it—that I might teach them with a heart and mind full of mercy and good fruit—that it might be so sincere and that it might “reap a harvest of righteousness.”

Oh, how far I have to go! Join me in praying this Scripture every morning—praying for the wisdom that comes from heaven!

Where dreams come true

This post was written about April 2015

They swear this new medicine (a once a month infusion) is liquid gold. I feel more like liquid hormones—I cry when I’m happy, when I’m sad and every moment in between. “It’s really strong medicine, honey,” the sweet nurse told me.

No, kidding! I thought to myself, holding back tears and rushing to the restroom once the IV line had been released. How am I going to do Disney like this? I’m a physical and emotional wreck!

But the Lord’s timing is always perfect and his protection is humbling. We have been planning to take the kids to Disney World for quite some time and my very organized sister has been making reservations and itineraries since February. I knew it would not be a relaxing vacation—it would be on the go, go, go. Let’s get here, let’s see this…go, go, go.

If there is one thing MS has taken, it has certainly taken my ability to GO. But upon our arrival in Disney World, both God’s merciful hand and my medication hurdled into action. And at least for this one week…I could go (with the help of a solid nap everyday)!

I believe this new medication is a blessing from God. Although it may not be a cure-all by any means, at least I’m not sick or worried about getting sick every time I touch something or shake someone’s hand. My white blood cells are back in action, and I feel at least a little more energy than before. At least at this moment, it’s a dream come true in the place where dreams come true!

Easter (Part II)

Originally written for: Easter Sunday 2016

Last post I shared about my baptism on Easter Sunday. Today I would like to share the testimony that was published that morning:

It’s humbling to recognize that even when my eyes were blind and my heart unaware, the Lord and His abounding love and mercies were still near. Looking back over my life, I see this even in the early years: an incredibly loving family, growing up going to church, a roommate in college who knew and loved Jesus and a series of colleges that led me to Malone University.

Despite being exposed to the Word of God, I did not fully understand what it meant to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Even though I recited the words to accept Christ, I mistakenly assumed church attendance and being a good person was a pathway to heaven. My heart had not yet been changed.

It wasn’t until my college years and my time at Malone University—a move that was unmistakably led by the Holy Spirit—that I finally asked Jesus into my heart. On a mission trip with the basketball team to Jamaica, I was challenged to ask myself if I had really made Him Lord of my life.

I began to understand that no amount of good character or behavior could save me. I am a sinner and always will be.  But because God sent His Son to die on the cross, I could be saved by grace! I finally understood no amount of my own doing could save me—Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven.  I remember asking Him into my heart again and again on that trip and have been challenged ever since to “live a life worthy of the calling I have received” (Eph. 4:1).

Now as a wife, mother and coach, I am challenged daily to impact this world for Christ. I pray that people will see a light inside of me amidst the darkness of this sinful world. Despite my efforts to manage life on my own, I am constantly reminded of my need for God’s grace, both in the mundane parts of daily life, as well as the higher peaks and lower valleys.

Most recently, I have been challenged to put my trust in the Lord after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I am reminded that it is nothing I have done but rather as Jesus tells His disciples in John 9 after he heals a man born blind, “…this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in [me].” I have learned that being a child of God does not guarantee happiness, wealth or an easy life; in fact, it guarantees suffering and a constant battle against my fallen nature. Yet in all of this, I have the hope of Christ and His ultimate return.

I am thankful for the day He opened my blind eyes and look forward to the day He will call me home. In the space between, I pray to do the will of God over my own—to be an obedient disciple and loving sister in Christ: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” (Eph. 2:8).  What a precious and indescribable gift from the Maker of the heavens and the earth.

Easter (Part I)

This post was originally written about March 28, 2016

I am a mother of two four year olds and a two year old: Disney is what we do. Tonight we watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time as a family. At the very beginning of the movie, the narrator tells the tale of how the prince becomes the beast: he tells of a hardened heart that could not love, of a prince who could not see beyond appearances, who comes under a spell that could only be broken by true love.  And it tells of his hopelessness in his belief that no one could ever love a beast. 

Being the day after Easter Sunday, it got me to thinking about the love of Jesus. Aren’t we all like the beast? Don’t we judge? Don’t we sin? Isn’t it easy to feel hopelessness in the fact that if anyone really knew us from the inside out, they could never love us?  And yet that is the HOPE of Easter—of Christ’s resurrection—that in our hopelessness there is one who still loves us.

Brian and I were baptized on Easter. We were baptized as infants, but this public proclamation was our choice and our chance to pronounce the hope we have in Christ dying on the cross for our sins.  Being baptized again is something that’s been on my heart for years—something I always pushed off: Oh, I’ll do it someday, I would convince myself. Honestly, I was afraid—of what others might think, of getting up in front of the church, of so many different things the devil can use against us… .

But then the Lord presented the opportunity and after much prayer and consideration, we said yes. The Lord’s timing is perfect, and I am so thankful for His perfect plan. I am thankful for a church that proclaims this hope on Easter Sunday, and I am thankful to share it with my dear husband. 

Our church published a packet for people to take with them and part of it explains the purpose in baptizing on Easter.  It says,

“There are two movements in baptism: descending into and arising out of the water. As we descend into the water, we are buried with Christ and die with him.

But we do not just descend, we are also raised out of the water… . We baptize on Easter Sunday because of Easter Sunday, because Jesus was raised from the dead. And so with each baptism we proclaim HOPE.”

And I know this is a moment I will always cherish. I can feel myself standing in wait before descending into the water, and I will always remember the moment of being below.  The swirling of the water—the sound it made—muddled and swarming. All consuming. A pause. And then being lifted back up, a visible and tangible proclamation of hope.

What amazing love is this: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

The booklet the church handed out also had the testimonies of those being baptized. I will share that with you in my next post, my dear friends, and I remind you in the meantime: if you feel hopeless—a beast under a spell—find your hope IN CHRIST.

Rejoice

This week I have asked the Lord for a verse to focus on--to repeat and to pray more continuously throughout the days. Ironically, but not surprisingly, He brought me to a staple verse in my life over the past several years, one that reminds me to pray continuously! I encourage you to try this verse on for size...listen to what it says and do it throughout your day. May we find something to rejoice in, may we pray to our Father without ceasing and may we give Him thanks in everything. 

How simple.

How challenging.

How wonderful:

REJOICE ALWAYS, PRAY CONTINUALLY, GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Have Mercy...

Today I stop and I look around, and I thank God for what has been entrusted to me as wife and as mother. I stop to manage the matters I can manage. And I ask myself whether I am managing them on my own or with my God.

I think of just a few of the simple, Godly bits of wisdom shared over the past few months on how to pray for my children:

1.      That they might walk faithfully with the Lord all the days of their lives.

2.      Lord, have mercy on them.

3.      That I might be the light of Christ to them.

Finally, I am reminded that they are God’s children first. This is one of the most challenging prayers: For the Lord’s will in their life to always be at the forefront and not my own. 

the process...

This post was written about March 19, 2016

Today the sun beamed down, the leaves rustled and sometimes wrestled and the clouds hung above the earth like distant mountains. And I am reminded of my feeble, fallen nature. And I am reminded of the magnitude of my God. He asks Job, “Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?” And I bow my head in humility. Today I am afraid—of life and so many things in it—but I am reminded that some of these trials for me and for all of us are matters that are simply “too wonderful for me” to understand.

Give up. Surrender. Again and again and again.

And as I pray for the Holy Spirit to come upon me, I realize I cannot control what I desire to control.  It’s not like a movie or an episode of my children’s favorite TV show, Paw Patrol. I can’t always know what’s going to happen next. I am not Lord of my own life, no matter how hard I try sometimes.  Total and utter dependence…it’s what I’m learning. It’s a process. A lifelong process.

And as I sit and I pray, I’m taken to John 15 and 16, and I am comforted because we are not alone. We have an Advocate in the Holy Spirit who dwells within us when we accept Christ into our heart. 

Like I said: total and utter dependence…it’s what I’m learning. 

TRUTH

This post was written about March 2016...

Someone asked me last weekend who my favorite motivational speaker is? “Hmmmm....,” I said, “I don’t listen to very many motivational speakers. I would say my preacher, but he’s not a motivational speaker. He’s a TRUTH speaker.”

It can be a trap: Jesus being popular rather than a savior—being the genie in a bottle rather than the sacrificial lamb. That if you love Jesus, you will have health and wealth and if you don’t have those things, then you must be doing something wrong. That is not the Jesus I know.

I was so discouraged the other day. Sad. Having a hard time finding the light in the darkness. And I was rummaging around in my kitchen and glanced up to see this picture:

And then I saw on my refrigerator these two post-its:

***

 

And I am reminded of the power of the Word of God: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1).

What comfort in those moments. I encourage you, dear friend, to write the Word of God down, inscribe it in your mind, make it a constant reminder in your home, in your car, on your mirror when you wake up—be intentional about surrounding yourself with God’s grace and wisdom.

Seek the TRUTH--the pouring out of God’s intimate and loving Word—rather than filling your cup with the falsehoods of our ever-intruding culture. 

Tired

This post was written about January 4, 2016

Sickness…it’s like spilled milk. It starts running off the edges of the table, gets down deep in the crevices and sticks for days. Weeks.

I have missed a total of three days of basketball practice in six years, and now I have missed three days in a row. This thing has really got me.

How easy it is to forget that the Lord has given us all we have, and it is His to take away. Even our health, our energy. I confess I have been distant lately. Faith has been hard. Staying near to Him has been hard. I’m sick. I’m tired. I’m tired.

I’m tired of being tired.

But the Lord will get our attention, even when we’re tired.  I was reminded this morning by a kind but truth-speaking person that we are NOT called to grumble and complain.

So I approached my doctor’s appointment with a hopeful attitude. Let’s just see what he has to say.

My doctor is the most upbeat person in the world—seriously, straight out of a storybook.  I love it. Brian says even if my brain was hanging half out of my head, this doctor would still say, “Good appointment! This was a great conversation.”

You can’t help but laugh.

Unfortunately, the MRIs aren’t very funny and the medicine is not doing its job—You’re a first, he says. Basically, he's never had this medicine not work for a patient that fits my profile. There is a possibility we haven't given it enough time, but he seems confident we should not wait and see. 

Translation: Let’s get on the other meds stat. We need to get this under control.  He says it’s not all bad. This is the best kind—the kind that shows up, and you know what you’re fighting against. But it’s active MS, and we need to fight.

I confess that I am afraid. For the first time in a long time, really afraid of what could be. Afraid of this once a month infusion they want me to do. Afraid that each month I’ll be afraid. The risk of a brain infection is so minute in my case, but it is there and it is real to me.

I told Brian amidst a curtain of tears, sitting crossed legged on the living room floor after the kids had gone to bed and the day had been all but tucked in: “I just don’t want to be a vegetable.”

And my dear, sweet, loving man said, “Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to get you some good meat to go with it.” And I laughed and buried my head in his chest.

And so the Lord calls me back to Him tonight: “But as for me, it is good to be near God” (Psalm 73:28). Wake up, he says, and be obedient.  This is an ongoing battle. TRUST in me, Abbey. Trust in me.

To whom else shall I go? Lord. 

Glowing

This post was written about: December 18, 2015

MRI machines—you’d think with all the advancements we have, I wouldn’t have to climb into a machine the size of a room and listen to that banging for an hour and a half just to get a picture of my brain and part of my spine. I had the MRIs on Monday, and today is Friday. I haven’t heard the results yet, so I call to check with them. I wait in anticipation.  We are hoping for no new spots.

The nurse calls me back first. She tells me there are no new spots on my spine, which is great news. “However," she continues, "it looks like there are two new spots in your brain. One of them is glowing.”

Silence.

“Hmmm…I’m not really sure,” she says. “It doesn’t really make sense. The radiologist’s report is pretty short. I’ll have the doctor call you back today.”

When we hang up, I’m not really sure what I think.

Two new spots.

One is glowing.

Just pray… .

The doctor calls back, and I listen to his encouragement on the other end of the line. He is always upbeat: “Well, I remember you had a lot of spots to begin with. That’s not necessarily bad—it’s just you. We may look at these MRIs when you come in and think two new spots is actually pretty good….”

I have an appointment on the 4th of January, and we won’t know until then how to really evaluate the results. The radiology report is fairly insufficient, and he’ll need to look at both films side by side to look at the progress.

Before he hangs up, I ask him, “But tell me the truth. Most people on this medicine…they don’t generally get any new spots, correct?”

“That is correct,” he tells me. “But don’t let it ruin your holiday. We just don’t know….” He starts talking about the other medication—the one I did not want to use.

When I hang up, I make my phone calls, send my text messages. We just don’t know yet, I say.

But in my heart, I’m disappointed. I know Brian is too. New spots is not good, any way you cut it.                     

I look for a silver lining: the spot on my spine is shrinking significantly, and I feel that! My hands are incredible lately. They are still present at times, but they are SO normal most of the time. I praise God for this, and I thank all of the dear people praying for this miracle! 

Obsession

Sunglasses are a big deal in our household.  We collect them.  Some people collect coins, some people collect stamps, but we collect sunglasses (and acorns if you really want to know). 

It’s an obsession.

I’m not sure where it all began (if I had to guess, I’d definitely pin Grammy as the culprit who began the fetish), but either way, it stuck! We have a pair for the car, a pair for the garage (for when we play outside), and it seems like a few hundred more in between.  We’ve got Hello Kitty, pink polka dots, army and orange, ones with stars and of course, Cammy’s straight-up men in black.

So what’s your obsession, dear friend?

I heard somewhere recently a prayer request that has found its way into my daily routine:

may the Word of God be my “magnificent obsession.”

Oh, may it be so!

Weakness

A few weeks back I had one of those days. It was a hard one. I couldn't stop praying. I just needed to get through it.

It was almost exactly one year since I had been diagnosed with MS and while the pain of the initial shock has worn, He has used these past two months to remind me once again that my body is His--my strength comes from Him and Him alone. I contemplated that night unlocking the latch on my hotel room door just in case I woke unable to walk. I knew I could get myself to the door, but would I be able to reach that high...??

A year later, I now know what to fear... .

I cried that night from simple physical and emotional exhaustion. Not something dramatic, but from my own stance in life--MS and all--I cried. And I stood and looked in the mirror, and I prayed the armor of God, speaking it back to Him (Ephesians 6:10-18).

And I asked for help.

And when I woke, it was to the sound of the birds outside, not an alarm as I had anticipated. My phone had died in the night, and I was supposed to meet people in the lobby for breakfast at 6:45am. He woke me at 5:30. And I was reminded of a story a friend had shared awhile back about some teenagers who had come to stay with them. Their home life was unstable, unsafe and transient. When the young man prayed for them in the morning, he thanked God for waking him up that day--not something I would even think to be thankful for... .

And so I was reminded to be thankful that He woke me up that day--not just so I didn't oversleep, but that He breathed life into my lungs. I was reminded to be thankful for this physical and mental hurtle--so that I might rely on Christ and in so doing, be nearer to my God. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Persistence

The heat. The humidity. It's real. It's hot. It's SO hot. I feel this--literally--now more than ever before. And it has presented its challenges for me this summer. MS and heat are not the best of friends. And it exacerbates my symptoms, primarily the extreme fatigue. It's something I try to convince myself isn't really there--that it's just a shadow in the dark. But I am realizing it's okay for it to be real. It's okay to not always be okay. What does it feel like? Here is what I felt the other day as I sat outside in the midst of it:

Today I feel so tired it's even hard to talk. The energy it requires makes me feel so helpless. I've been reading about praying like a little child, and so I sit outside, watching my little children and I think of Peyton and a joke I recently heard.

It said, my name isn't Mom.

It's Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom! 

I thought of my sweet, little P-Man. We call him "persistent Peyton" (note the word patient is not the "p" word we have selected for him). Persistent because he keeps coming back: "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom... ."

And so I sit today and pray to God--persistently, like a little child: "God please..., God hear me..., God I need you, God, God, God, God." And I pray again that the Holy Spirit will intercede for me: 

Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father."

Galatians 4:6