Originally written: August 5, 2015
This morning I tried to be obedient based on what the Lord was teaching me in Psalm 91—cry out for help. I prayed for my MS—that ultimately I will desire His will—that I will be obedient even when it is not what I desire. When I moved over to the kitchen table to dive into my study of John, I was looking at chapters 15, 16, and 17 in review. My eye caught a note in the margin from Read/Mark/Learn John in regard to Chapter 15: “Jesus has already shown His disciples that obedience to Him means putting self to death in loving service of His people… . Paradoxically, if people obey Jesus’ command, He will call them His friends” (181).
I groaned a little on the inside, but I was also comforted. Obedience is so hard. And real obedience means putting self to death—it means that I do not come first—it is the will of God before my own. That if God intends to use this disease in another way, a way that does not involve healing or being MOST people, I should be okay with it. In fact, I should be thankful for it, that I might serve other people and be a comfort and a light to them in His perfect plan. And He will call me friend.
It is hard to imagine God calling me His friend. It would be beyond humbling, that is for sure. And it’s funny that I even desire it because there are so many people that think I’m absolutely crazy in all of this. But when the Holy Spirit comes and dwells in us, crazy becomes a refuge—it becomes comfort—it becomes a calling. And the best part is this crazy obedience brings joy! Not earthly happiness, not possessions or money or HEALTH, in this case, but true JOY!
How do I describe this kind of joy? It’s something deep down inside that swells like a geyser and permeates every inch of your existence because you know that the Lord is using you as His vessel. It’s not something that can be described exactly—like trying to capture eternity in your mind. It can’t be done—it just keeps going and going and going. Indescribable. Beautiful. Breathtaking.
And I continue reading to the end of chapter 15, and I see that I am called to testify. And that is why I write to you now. I am not a blogger. I am a private person. This is out of my box, out of my comfort zone. But I am called to write. And so I do… .