A few weeks back I had one of those days. It was a hard one. I couldn't stop praying. I just needed to get through it.
It was almost exactly one year since I had been diagnosed with MS and while the pain of the initial shock has worn, He has used these past two months to remind me once again that my body is His--my strength comes from Him and Him alone. I contemplated that night unlocking the latch on my hotel room door just in case I woke unable to walk. I knew I could get myself to the door, but would I be able to reach that high...??
A year later, I now know what to fear... .
I cried that night from simple physical and emotional exhaustion. Not something dramatic, but from my own stance in life--MS and all--I cried. And I stood and looked in the mirror, and I prayed the armor of God, speaking it back to Him (Ephesians 6:10-18).
And I asked for help.
And when I woke, it was to the sound of the birds outside, not an alarm as I had anticipated. My phone had died in the night, and I was supposed to meet people in the lobby for breakfast at 6:45am. He woke me at 5:30. And I was reminded of a story a friend had shared awhile back about some teenagers who had come to stay with them. Their home life was unstable, unsafe and transient. When the young man prayed for them in the morning, he thanked God for waking him up that day--not something I would even think to be thankful for... .
And so I was reminded to be thankful that He woke me up that day--not just so I didn't oversleep, but that He breathed life into my lungs. I was reminded to be thankful for this physical and mental hurtle--so that I might rely on Christ and in so doing, be nearer to my God.